This article was originally published in Access The World digital magazine, www.accesstheworld.com
How do you live your life? By enjoying every moment? Or by focusing on what is not working for you? I lived a lot of my life focused on what was not right about my life and what I had to fix to make it better: “If I can find the wrong, I can eliminate it and make it right.” So what was wrong in my life?
I was depressed.
I was anxious.
I felt like a fish out of water.
My body was not right.
My emotions were too much.
My relationship was a roller coaster.
My work was a mess.
My family—oh, let us not go there, please!
And the list went on and on... I was not happy about any aspect of my life. And while I was all about fighting the wrong in my life, was not able to celebrate what I did have. Trying to identify all my problems to fix them didn’t work or make life better. All it did was make me focus on the wrong even more. I became so diminished in my life that I ended up in a wheelchair. My body was not happy with me, I was not happy with me. I hated my life and I disregarded so much of me that I was at rock bottom. I realized that I could continue increasing the judgments against me, or I could do something very different and treat myself and my life with more kindness. I started with these 5 steps: 1: Get a session of “Access Bars” I’ve tried so many treatments and processes in 40 years—so, so many! Access Bars is a gentle body process that stops the mind whirling. It dynamically nurtures the body, which we so rarely allow. If you are out of practice with being kind to you or your body, Access Bars is a great place to start, because all you have to do is lie down and receive it. 2: Be kind to you When you give yourself a hard time, what does that create for you? We’ll easily treat or talk to ourselves far more harshly than we’d ever do to another—isn’t that strange? Imagine treating you with nurturing guidance and kindness as you change things in your life. What would change if you were kind to you, and not critical? 3: Take off your judgement glasses Everyone has a different perspective on . Test it out: ask someone what color you are wearing today. Some might say blue, navy, indigo, blue/purple. Why is that? We see things in the world through our own well-worn lenses. What if no perspective was right, wrong, or true, just interesting? Without judgments, even your own points of view are just interesting, and you do not have to let them stop or limit you. 4: Get clear on what you’ve been choosing What are your judgments and “rules” about how you should be? What is it that you choose every day that keeps you in the same old repetitive behaviors and reactions? Be vulnerable and honest with you, and acknowledge what you’ve been choosing and thinking that isn’t working for you. And don’t judge! Be willing to see what you’ve been choosing, without judging any of it, and the door will open for you to choose something different. 5: Focus on the things that work out well Are you grateful for what does work in your life? We can easily dismiss these things when life isn’t perfect. But when you acknowledge and celebrate what does work—yes, — that’s an invitation for more of it to come. When something doesn’t work, don’t judge it, ask, “What else is possible?” In the bigger picture of your life, what truly matters: Judging you? Or celebrating you and acknowledging you can choose again? What you focus on, grows. The power and choice are yours. With these steps, my life and living opened up dynamically. When I gave up trying to fix the wrongs and celebrated me instead, I giggled more, laughed more, chose things that made me happy. I also lost things: I lost a wheelchair (yay!) and I lost weight. As I got happy and stopped moaning about my life, I even lost some toxic friendships. Six years on, I continue to use these steps. I am happier, healthier, and more vibrant in my life. Gone is the anxiety, the depression. The wrongness and judgments of me are easier to change and much less than they’ve ever been. The biggest change is with me. My life has a new lease of joy and abundance—the kindness and celebration available grows each day. I no longer wonder what is wrong, I wonder what else is possible now? ----------------- Jeni Be Jeni Be is an Access Consciousness® Certified Facilitator and a Psychotherapist who has been working with clients for over 27 years. Before "on the spectrum" was commonly used, Jeni was labelled as sensitive,cognitively slow, and hyper—or to put it another way—different. Jeni’s life blossomed and thrived when she discovered Access X-Men tools, which taught a different way to be with all the world, celebrating difference without definition, limitation, rightness or wrongness. She now facilitates classes and clients worldwide, inviting others to a world of joy and excitement in life and living. www.jenibe.com