The 3 steps to heaven~ my Dad, death and me...
My husband and I moved in with my Dad a year after my mum's sudden death. My dad actually did not need help he was independent, we were building a house, he was helping us out. It was an easy choice for us all.
What surprised me was after 30 years of living apart from my Dad, I was under his roof again and something occurred that was not cognitive;
I lost my adult self.
I had returned to the family patterns of being a child, I re-entered this download, of a kind of full picture and energy of "his house/ His rules".
It was an unsaid contact between us, an energetic blueprint of how I should be in his space. When he said something I jumped to attention I reacted to create his demand. If I didn't do that as a child I would get raged at or even a smacked bottom. I 'knew" as a 44-year-old woman he wasn't going to hit me BUT it was weird!!! I was reacting as if he would. I could perceive all this "happening" and the memories of this. I asked to choose something else. I began to unpack this situation for me with the access tools.
As a child I had all the symptoms of being autistic, I was brought up in a society that "being on the spectrum" was not yet a word or world of support. I struggled with being different in a world that could not receive me. I am only now as an adult learning to be with all that I am aware of. My mum and dad called me sensitive and hyper-reactive. To work with me they placed strong limitations on me to stop my "disruptiveness ".
Nowadays I would be called on the spectrum of ADHD, OCD autistic.
My dad was a force to be reckoned with, he was an energetic bulldozer, he would direct his energy, his way of how I should be, on to me as a kid. His anger was like a physical blow to me, I could hear his thoughts, his intentions of how he wanted me to be, there was no question of what I required it was always done as I say!
I lived my childhood in the box of who I should be. I did everything to work within this box so I did not get floored by this force. I did not know I was psychically aware but I knew when my dad was coming home. I would "hear" his car from miles away, and would read his mood. If he was stressed from work I would quickly draw him a picture or find a favourite magic trick to show him as he came in the door. I knew if I changed his mood it would be easier on my mum and sister, and our evening meal would be more fun together.
All these memories of who I was and what I did as a child to "save" the situation and disrupt his angry mood from the family. With the family, I was a chameleon. I was always changing for others, this allowed the ease and flow of happy energy into the family. I now note that who I should be for them did not include much of who I am or be.
As I began to acknowledge this from my adult space, I knew I had to change this. My own reaction to this remembering me was an eruption of a volcano of anger, that had been suppressed for so long it flew out of me. I saw where I was in survival mode against this man and his anger for all of my life. I was so grateful to have the access tools this time. I used many to help dissipate this deeply suppressed anger.
I unpacked more of my childhood responses at this time and began to get more of the pieces. Asking for all the projections, expectations, rejections, separations and judgements, of me, from me and about me. What I energetically heard from Dad, my Mum my grandparents.
I ran the clearing statements on this for months as brought up the judgment of me and I began to let it all go.
I also ran so many access creating loops and listened to an amazing telecall called distractor implants from Gary Douglas and Dain Heer again and again. There were a lot of lies and bought points of view about the "who I should be in this family". What I should react to with anger, & rage and how my Dad used this to control situations.
I began to see more of these reactions play out;
like I was so on edge to "hear" his reactions, I perceived them and was instantly aware of what would happen after that anger hit. I would attempt to change this by taking on all of that, all of who he was, as me.
Like some survival response, if I could duplicate that energy, I could clear it from him through me before it hit me or the family. I acknowledged what a gift of a child I was for this family. What I did to survive those energies.
Using the "Who does it belong? " tool for 6 months on every thought feeling, sensation and emotion i "had" allowed me to find out more of pieces of this full pattern, that were not my own points of view or energies.
After 14 months I was clearer of who I was in his space. ( Yes, this is a way of being me I had to re-learn it was not an overnight thing.) I began to honour me more and in turn, this allowed me to acknowledge my Dad as who he was beyond what I had previously thought. In essence, I saw him as a man with faults yes he was forceful and angry and he had a kindness beyond what I had known before as my Dad. That anger of what he "did to me" where he didn't allow me to be me, began to dissipate.
I acknowledged that; I also did not allow me to be me, so what if I can choose this now? This was the gift of Access Consciousness to remove the blame and anger and open up questions and possibilities of different choices. I had cleared my point of view of blame, resentment and anger and more.
Things changed, even more, when my Dad was diagnosed with terminal heart problems. This strongly energetic man became even stronger and more forceful, while his body became even frailer. He was still with his strong projections of who he thinks I should be and how I should act. I stepped up my way of non-reaction to him. When he was angry, where I would normally react, I dropped my barriers and resistance to this and asked a question to myself to be different .. I opened up to him more. I spoke about the honouring and of who he is, what he created in his life with business, his pragmatic choices, my mum and the love between them. Importantly that without this I would not be who I am today.
What opened up between us was the more I became vulnerable and without reaction, and able to be in all spaces with him, the more he was able to allow me to be me. In turn, he became this vulnerable man that allowed his barriers to drop too.
Even at these difficult months of this painful death we spoke a lot about life, death, dying and the end. We became closer and he began to honour and acknowledge me in a different way.
Gary Douglas said in a recent call "When people do not see when you are being you, they will invalidate you": for most of my life, I had tried to be for everyone what they needed me to be. I divorced my own self in favour of who I believed that I should be, for Dad, for Mum, for family, for friends for my husband. The access tools have given me the choice to choose a new me, to honour me, to allow me to be beyond all the wrongness, to JUST BE ME.
I have the greatest gift,
My Dad died holding my hand, he left me acknowledging the gift I was was him and most of all to me :) I am very grateful to have had these tools at this time.
Jeni Be is a worldwide Access Consciousness Certified Facilitator & X-Men Facilitator inviting you to a world of possibilities where no limitation is greater than you.
Read more about or contact Jeni here www.jenibe.com
Wrong? or Strong? by Jeni Be CF
During my 20's and 30's I struggled with illness , with pain. I spent much of my time in the doctors surgery and hospitals getting tests. The doctors were very helpful but could find nothing 'conceivably wrong' that they could fix. I was labelled depressed ,anxious , sensitive and get this " allergic to the 21st century " .. ( yes really!!!)
Ever seeking change, I studied alternative therapies, counselling and became a psychotherapist.
In essence I was looking at ways to change me with the labels and disability I had been given. Was it any wonder that I couldn't change that which was someone else's label of what was wrong with me?
Part of the key in choosing something different came when I began to ask questions and look at other possibilities. I saw a Tour of a Consciousness video with Dain Heer asking "what if every wrongness is actually a strongness? "
And with every 'pain' I asked " what is the strongness here I am not aware of?"
That tool itself changed the 'cluster migraines' I had been suffering from . It allowed me to go out side 'the pain' and not be encompassed by it. Gifting that , minutes of change , before I asked the question again allowed me the relief to choose other possibilities.
Another tool that blew apart my world of wrongness , was the ' tool who does it belong to?
In acknowledging and continuing to acknowledge my ever expanding awareness. I began to become clearer with what in the world around me that, actually was not mine. There was much i 'resonated' with , thoughts feelings emotions, that had been labelled with as too sensitive.
In acknowledging what was not mine , I unpacked one if the biggest gifts ever, my awareness.
Awareness not just of thoughts , feelings, emotions, sensations of this others in this world we live in but the awareness of the full extent of the energetic download of information. In the past I have been so aware of this that I believed it must be mine.
And therefore 'wore' the pain on my body like my own.
The Access X-Men classes have gifted me the tools and acknowledgment of how I function in this world . How I am aware of others, and how I can be at ease with this. It's not sensitivity , it's not hyper acuteness , it's not dysfunction , it's not a wrongness . It's AWARENESS and it's a CAPACITY!
Would you like to discover your own capacities? Your own awarenesses about you?
More of Access X-Men with Jeni Be Here
And Access Conscousness site Here
Have you ever been so close to someone that you could anticipate their every need? Finish their sentences? Know exactly how to take care of them so they were the most comfortable?
If so, you may be a highly aware person (or X-Men—with capacities that people misidentify or misunderstand), although most people probably call you “sensitive” (or even “over-sensitive”).
This level of awareness is actually a capacity, but the trick with being a highly aware person is making sure you don’t lose yourself or give you up along the way.
This becomes especially important in relationships, where a highly aware person can end up spending all their time anticipating and delivering the needs of their loved ones, and never including or even seeking clarity on their own desires.
For X-Men , there are no lines or barriers between them and anyone else.
Think of each person as a giant radio receiver, getting information from different channels all the time. A highly aware person is a radio receiver with no way to tune out the different channels, turn the volume down, or turn it off!
A highly aware person is acutely attuned to and constantly picking up:
The danger here is when they don’t have an awareness of what they truly desire, it becomes all too easy to negate themselves for others, rather than include themselves as well.
As an X-Men , how do you make sure you don’t get lost amongst the throng of everyone else’s needs, desires, and points of view?
First of all, acknowledge your level of awareness is actually a capacity. This “radio-receiver” way of being is normal for highly aware people, so they often don’t see it as a greatness. What if this ability can be used to your advantage, and you didn’t have to lose you, either? Rather than make you wrong for being so aware of other people’s perspectives, acknowledge you could ask the question, “What can I do with this capacity I never considered?”
Second, take steps to add you and your desires back into the picture. You may be aware of what other people want from you, but you don’t have to deliver! If you do deliver, is it going to create something greater for everyone, including you? This is the question you need to start asking on a daily basis, as well as: “If I included myself here, what would I choose?” “What would work for me?” and “What choice could I make that would create something greater for everyone?”
Third, don’t make other people’s stuff your stuff. Just because you are aware of it or think it …. does it make it you? No, it just makes you aware! From now own, before buying into all opinions and judgements and expectations from others, ask: “Who does this point of view belong to?” Is it actually your point of view or did you pick it up from somewhere or someone else with that extreme awareness of yours? When you ask this you will start to notice how much you are truly picking up from elsewhere, and you will begin to have a greater sense of you in the process.
As a highly aware person, you have abilities and insights that others don’t—are you willing to use them to your advantage and take care of you, too?
Confessions of a XIF ( X-Men Facilitator)
I grew up thinking I was a bit mad. I was told that often enough.
“Do you know you’re crazy thinking that …”
“What do you mean you see what’s going to happen? Don't be silly.”
“Goodness, your imagination?!” I was made wrong for a lot of what I was aware of.
With all those projections on me, I was told I was many things. Weird, a little crazy, stupid , and a nutter.
Kind friends I had, huh?
In fact, I wasn’t crazy. I was just aware in a different way.
I grew up in a time before "on the spectrum" was something society accepted. I was labeled as sensitive, cognitively slow and hyper.
The signs were all there. I never spoke before until I was 4 years old. I was hyper-sensitive to everyone around me (noise especially).
I was uncontainable; a moving, dancing, screaming, running, ball of energy. I hated to be touched.
When I did learn to speak, I would miss words.
Things move constantly around me when others said they were stationary; trees, statues, mannequins, paintings, the floor. I bumped into things that others couldn’t see.
I spoke to my sister in my head. It was all too slow and I wanted it to go faster.
I thought everyone functioned the same way.
It’s difficult to describe what my life was like as I was growing up and going to school. It wasn't easy. It wasn't fun.
In my mid 20's, I trained as a psychotherapist in mental health as self-preservation. Mainly to get clarity on finding a solution to the “mad emotions and thoughts” I felt bombarded with. It was in fact during that Psychiatric training that I was diagnosed as "on the spectrum" with autism, ADHD and OCD. These labels didn’t open up my world. These labels were at that time still a wrongness, a madness in the psychiatric hospital where I worked; especially with the staff around me. For 20 years I ignored this diagnosis, ignored and switched off my sensitivity to being awre of past, present and future, my aware body, and my uniquely intensely aware being. I continued to stop the world around me from moving and being in motion.
It took so much force to contain all of that ‘wrongness and keep it hidden.’ With all that force, eventually something had to give and I was diagnosed with various auto-immune disorders in my late 30’s that stopped me with an implosion of disability.
When the joyousness of the Access Bars, Access Body Processes and the Access classes showed up at my door, I knew I had found something that offered space to me in a new way. I began the journey of letting go of everything and everywhere I had stopped me; the journey of unfolding myself to opening up and allowing me to be me… even if it meant I was wrong in the eyes of others. Different. Strange. Weird. Unique. Evolution. Capacities. Strongness… Those were my new words.
Allowing myself to be everything I never allowed myself to be, can be intense! And, I say yes! I choose to embrace the unique. I choose to continue to unfold and not be bound by wrongness.
Thank you Access Consciousness and the X-Men body of work that has gifted me so much in this unfolding, knowing of me…
Today I stumbled on a video that reminded me of how I functioned before the assistance of the Access tools; which was most of my life. It was a reminder of how grateful I am to have tools that help me create what I need. Gone is the wrongness and in its space, an acknowledgment that I have always known this difference and this uniqueness is an evolution. :)
Here are 2 tools you can use daily to assist:
What if 98% of your thoughts, feelings and emotions are not yours? What if you are in fact a Big Psychic Sponge Bob that picks up on the thoughts, feelings and emotions of everyone around you?
What you can ask is “Who does this belong to?” send back everything that is not yours – with consciousness attached.
You might be amazed at what this tool can create in your life. Try it for 3 days and see what changes.
2. Being infinite space
Close your eyes and find the outside edges of you. Are you inside your body or is your body inside of you?
This is infinite being where you are the space that is everything. When you acknowledge that you can be more than anything, you cease to be at the effect of it. It means you can change it.
Being infinite space is a muscle you build. Like the exercise above, if you “feel stressed,” ask, “Who does this belong to?” and return to sender everything that is not yours and then expand out. Be infinite space. Bigger. Bigger. Bigger. Keep expanding until your body sighs and you sense more space.
These are two of the tools I have used to create more ease for me and my body. Try it and see what changes for you!
by Jeni Be CF
It’s a joy for us to announce the evolution of X-Men, with more X-Men Facilitators choosing to create for you worldwide . Check out all the X-Men Facilitators here
THE UNEXPECTED GIFTS OF OCD by Jeni Be CF
Obsessive Compulsive Disorder in this reality is a diagnosis that describes recurrent and persistent thought patterns, emotions and behaviours. These are ritualistic and cause enough distress that they interfere with daily life.
Obsessive (all consuming)
In this reality it can show up like the obsessive repetition of movement or thoughts or having to obsessively having all clear up all mess, or having to have everything so perfect, or having to line objects up…
So what does Access Consciousness X-Men say about OCD?
OCD is the ability to perceive, know, be, and receive everything around you from 800-8,000 miles in all directions.
Just stop there .. 800- 8000 miles in all directions ??
What does that look like ? Have a look at photo below ?
The distance from LONDON to EASTER Island in Chile is 8000 miles. ( see photo above)
Now visualize that in all directions .You are actually aware of what is a GREAT BIG circle around most of the globe. You are aware of every thought feeling & emotion in that zone. Is it no wonder that Gary Douglas and Dain Heer continually ask us to use the access tool WHO DOES IT BELONG TO? constantly for 3 days .
Do you know this tool?
Read more about Who Does It Belong To? on this PDF HERE or use the app we've developed on your phone HERE.
It is a simple way to really get aware of who and what you actually are aware of !!!
Access says OCD is actually OCC (obsessive compulsive creator), because you are constantly in obsessive-compulsive creation. If you don’t have enough going on in your life, you make yourself OCCC (obsessive compulsive creator of crap).
These are tremendous abilities, because you can accomplish so much in so little time. The thing about OCD is that you pick up everybody’s thoughts, feelings, and emotions. If you go into the wrongness of you, you become compulsive about that. For me it was washing and drying my hair 3 times a day , the only way i knew to get the ‘dirty feeling from my head’ . for others it can be lining things up or counting.
In actual fact , OCD is an ability. It is not only the ability to multitask, but also the ability to increase everything that’s going on. If you can tap into the thoughts, feelings, and emotions of people, could you also tap into their energies, and to what they know about completing or creating? That’s where you’ve got to start using that OCD capacity, rather than seeing it as a wrongness. How do you use this to create something greater for you?
Diva Diaz says When I need information, I go, “Who knows about this and can I have it please?” All of a sudden I have all kinds of information about something I know nothing about.
This is a just a brief glimpse into the world of OCD and X-Men. For more information you can join an X-Men intro class / telecall or live class or live stream class
What do you know about X-Men you may have never acknowledged?
For more information on this tool email Jeni here
thank you Jeni Be CF
Stupid is as Stupid does Jeni Be XIF and CF
It's interesting how the world responds to you when you show up as you ...
For a long time in my life I was spoken to in a way that was not kind . I was called slow and stupid. My father believed that calling me this would create a world, where I would choose more. That this name calling would spur me on to out create that 'stupidness' as he called it.
In fact I became "brainwashed" by his label and began to wear it more and on it as my own .
You see when you get get called stupid on a daily basis you begin to own it, indoctrinate it, wear it , believe it and live your life by that.
In my 20's I began to out create that and reinvented me by 'proving' as much to myslef that I wasnt stupid. I began to retrain and study in university , choosing job and study , after job and study and recreated my life as UN-stupid .
Recently a similar ‘energetic label’ of STUPID has been projected at me .. I call it my Forrest Gump moment...
:D i realise it isn't about 'stupid' literally ( as in dumb, not knowing ) It's a label of being ' too silly, too much , totally out of the box, too different '
I find it fascinating that people only see what they want to see. That they have a definition of me, being something and cannot see beyond it . Usually that 'being something' is something they see as lesser, stupid , weird , un-containable, off the wall , outcast AND definitely different.
In the past ... I would to squish myself into a mould of what they accept of me and be that ... cut myself to shape that they could receive to make it ease for them , while at the same time make me so so wrong.
Now is any of that kind and honouring of me ?
No not at all !!!
So now i choose different … one of the first tools Gary Douglas gave me in a call was to
‘ Return to senders all of the projections, expectations, rejections separations and judgments of me, to me , about me and my body with consciousness.
Now, that doesn't get ‘rid ‘ of what what i am aware of prejected at me by them , it allows me to acknowledge the space beyond all that they are projecting at me .
and i ask to ‘turn it up’ ...be MORE of me …
Now it gets fun ...
as I continue to mutate , to Un-form myself, from what people expect more of their "buttons" are pressed, and therefor more of their reaction to me is heightened.
As Dain spoke of recently ,
... these people ... all they are reacting to , is actually themselves. That part of their being that they cannot allow themselves to be . They see in you what they cannot allow themselves to be . so they have to eliminate that 'stupid, silly, fun & miraculous' part of you from their world , and try and shut you down.
This is what I am inviting you to look at and to be , to embrace all that you are , and go beyond the symptoms, the labels, the indoctrination of this reality.
I have a telecall coming up
A different Perspective of disease, illness and symptoms is not just about your body, and illness ,
its about the disease of this reality to make people wrong., to keep you small ...
Its about the symptoms you use to STOP you being YOU ..
AND the labels and definition you use to hide you from this reality and YOU.
Is this something you would like to explore ? We have 3 group calls coming upstarting 23 November all information is here
Looking forward to seeing you #xmen #xmenabilities
Welcome to the world of Jeni BE