She said, "There is this huge space between us. And it keeps filling up with everything we do not say to one another. What's that called?"
He said, "Marriage."
What is the essence of the miscommunication of a relationship?
In what way can you change your communication with others?
How do you deal with someone you keep going into reaction with when you don't want to?
How many people do you avoid, so you don't have to talk, engage or argue with them, as it’s just too frustrating for you?
Or, in fact, how many people do you choose to seek out in order to get that argument; just because you can get a reaction!!! TRUTH?
These are all ways we all create relationships.
Which of those are actually working for you?
How much energy are you using that generates the reaction and resistance and the avoiding are you choosing?
What is it about relationships that we find CLUNKY or awkward? I have spent most of my life trying to work out what relationships mean, how to communicate with another and get it right. So, I feel accepted and received.
“Ha, ha,” I laugh, because the truth is, seeking that has never worked. There has always been something of me and the way I am that I have had to cut off or limit, so I fit in with the point of view of the other's expectation.
At other times, I have just lied to myself and hid all that, pretending it is working when it is not. I tried to fit that relationship in a mold that works when, in actual fact, it was doomed by the very projections I placed upon it.
What do I mean? We have to start; how do you begin to create and engage in communication with another?
Do you do that with openness and kindness, and regard for yourself? or do you shut yourself down and diminish you. Do you place the " most ideal illusion " regarding the other as your target?
Let me give you an example. Do you communicate with no point of view in regards to your Mum or Dad? Or, do you have a projection that BECAUSE they are your Mum or Dad, they should treat you a certain way? Like it’s that way or the highway, as that is all that fits in with your limited reality of right or wrong.
Have you ever looked at another way to be? Or do you continue to go the great round of making something fit that you think is right, when it’s not?
How do you change another's reaction to you? How do you stop them from treating you in a way you do not like?
In truth, the only way to stop that is getting clear with you. You cannot change another, but you can change how you be with them!
Let’s go back to the beginning of this article, where she said, " There is this huge space between us. And it keeps filling up with everything we do not say to one another. What's that called?" and he said, "Marriage."
What do you ignore about that silence that keeps you creating? What are the unspoken rules behind this that you are functioning from? Are you willing to be open with no point of view with what the other is bringing to the table? And is the other party even remotely interested in being vulnerable with you?
What is it that binds you to the lie of having to respond a certain way to your partner or family interactions?
Where is it you choose to be the victim, the joker, the righteous one?
What role do you act out to keep them responding in the way you hate?
What do you love about that well-worn response that you outwardly say you hate?
What is it you be that keeps this spiraling into a fight, an argument, a reaction or same old same old response?
You may or may not know that there is a key to changing this. What is the key?
You are the one that changes all. Not by engaging or blaming the other party but by being the change.
What do I mean? What's the point of intervention in this cycle? Well, it takes balls, it takes vulnerability, and it takes you being aware of how YOU respond to all around you.
When everyone around you are in reaction and resistance, are you willing to be change and choose something different beyond reaction?
“How??” you may ask.
Well, it is simple; and easier than you think:
1. Be aware of what it is you are aware of - not from, “They say this; you say that.” Be AWARE of the typical programme you function from: what you fight to the eight for, to a) be right, or to be righteous; and b) to make others wrong.
When you acknowledge that, you can change so much; including the programmed patterns and responses you have with your family. And, yes, I get that it does, as I said above, take balls to do so.
2. ASK a question!
What can I choose to be different with this?
What am I not acknowledging about me?
Thank you so much for reading. If you would like more info on this body of work, classes and books that can change your world, go here
If you would like to explore more of this topic with Jeni personally, you can:
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Jeni Be is a worldwide Access Consciousness Certified Facilitator inviting you to a world of possibilities where no limitation is greater than you.
Jeni is an eternal searcher for the truth of a different way of being. Brought up in a family where judgement and power-over ruled, she never was allowed a voice.
In her 20-40’s, she practised as a psychotherapist; 8 years ago, at the end of one road, she found the access consciousness questions and practical tools. This opened up a totally different way to be with all that she had rejected or judged as wrong about herself. With the tenacity of consciousness, her unique capacities blossomed to acknowledge much about herself and the world around her.
I would like to invite you to a world of joy and excitement to be alive. Something that you may have always dreamt was possible but never knew could truly exist.